Heavy Is The Head
by dumbledearme
Summary: Arthur lives in Avalon, a small town near the coast of Maine. Lance's his best friend. Guinevere's the girl of his dreams. The plot thickens when he finds out that his dad, Uther Pendragon, is the king of Camelot, a tiny country between England and Scotland. (King Arthur version of The Princess Diaries)
1. Aon

Okay, first of all, nothing here belongs to me. I take no credit, okay? _The Princess Diaries_ belong to **Meg Cabot**. _The Once & Future King_ belongs to **T. H. White**. This is just for fun. So enjoy it.

Explaining this: I've recently had some classes about English Culture and lemme tell ya, King Arthur is my life now. I know I have a thousand other fanfics that demand attention, but who cares? Let's go wild here.

If you haven't read T. H. White , please, just go do it, damn it. It's so beautifully written. Don't pretend you know the story because you've watched _The Sword In The Stone._

Anyhoo, at the beginning of the book, before Arthur finds out he's Uther Pendragon's son, everyone just pretty much calls his Wart, or the Wart. There's no mystical reason, it's just the way it is. My point being - that's what I'm going to call him throughout this story.

Also, some of the characters were sort of bound together because I wanted everyone to have a "normal" name. It sounds confusing now, but you'll get it eventually.

Oh! and another thing... Vivienne Lake is none other than the Lady of the Lake. Important? Quite. Beautiful? Oh, yeah. And much, much more.

The other characters will come along nicely. As long as you guys, you know, like this... The future of this fanfic depends on you, I guess.

PS: I'm just gonna go ahead and assume everyone here has read/watched _The Princess Diaries_ , okay?

* * *

 _"And many men say that there is written upon his tomb this verse:_

 _ **Here lies Arthur, the once and future king**."_

 _Thomas Malory_

* * *

"I just don't think you're being honest with me."

The Wart's mom sounded like a broken record. He repeated the same answer he'd already given her five other times: "If you're happy, I'm happy." Igraine didn't believe him this time anymore than she had believed the other five.

"Please," she said. "I know it's not perfect. And maybe... Maybe it isn't ideal considering you'll have to see him everyday at school, but... I don't want to disappoint anyone, Artie. Especially not you."

Wart was finding that a little unnecessary. He wanted his mom to be happy and that was the end of it. Whatever came after - and it really wouldn't be perfect - he would face with his head held high like she did every single day to show her art to the world.

"Mom." Wart gave her a peck on the forehead. "Don't worry about me. I'll live," he joked but a tiny voice in the back of his head asked: _are you sure?_

The population in Avalon wasn't great indeed, but there had to be like what, at least five hundred guys whom she could date? And here she went and picked Wart's algebra teacher, no less. It was nerve-racking watching your mom attend a disciplinary hearing to discuss your terrible grades and return completely smitten.

Everyone _already_ considered Wart the biggest freak to walk the halls of Avalon High. He was freakishly tall and used to spend most of his time at home reading or whatever so, of course, he lack the six pack Kay liked to display during P.E.

"Honestly?" his mom insisted. She had this big thing with lies. Since very early in his life, Igraine proved to Wart that lies took you nowhere. She thought him to be open and honest, to say what he was thinking, even when the truth was extremely uncomfortable.

"Yes," he promised. There was no need to add he wished this weren't happening at all. Or that if people at school found out Wart would socially die.

Igraine open a big smile. "I can't believe my luck," she said with twinkling eyes.

Wart nodded. "Yeah. Gaius's cool."

His mom seemed confused for a second then shook her head. "Yes, he is. But that's not what I meant. I can't believe that of all the children in the world I got the best one." She repaid the peck on the forehead and sent Wart to school.

Avalon High wasn't different from other high schools. Granted, they did try to offer all sorts of extracurricular activities and claimed to accept diversity, but the Wart was still indebted to endure an hour of algebra a day so it made no difference as far as he could see.

The first thing he did was tell his best friend all about Gaius. Lance would be the first and only to hear this from Wart's mouth. How to explain Lance... He was _cool_. Shorter than the Wart but with broader shoulders. He'd a mane of black hair so messy Wart doubted he knew what a comb was. His eyes were also black and Lance kept them narrowed in this indifferent way that always got him all the chicks.

The two friends were standing in the school's corner 'cause Lance liked to smoke a cigarette before going inside the building. "Brochvael?" he exclaimed throwing the cigarette on the floor and stepping on it.

Gaius Brochvael was his name and he was the algebra teacher. He had an average high, which meant a foot less than the Wart, was in his late thirties and owned a great collection of bow ties. He was the coolest teacher in Avalon High which didn't change the fact that Wart was flunking his class.

"Yeah."

"Mm. The guy's alright," was the help Lance offered.

"If you know algebra," said Wart. "He told my mom I need to attend mandatory review sessions after school every single day! That's what he told her. You know, before he asked her out."

Lance chortled.

"It's not funny! He called my mother to explain to her her son is as dumb as a rock and then he asked her out. And now he's sticking his tongue in her mouth."

Lance roared with laughter only stopping when he saw the Wart's face. "Sorry. My bad. But... uh... Did you actually see this happening?"

"God, no!" said Wart terrified at the mere idea. "They didn't even had their first date yet. I don't think my mom would let a guy put his tongue in her mouth on the first day." At least I hope not, he added mentally.

"Well then you've got nothing to worry about." Lance shrugged in that smooth way of his. "You know, yesterday Kay and Guinevere were making out. I had this totally close-up view of it, since they were leaning up against her locker, which is right next to mine. What is wrong with that girl? Kay's the biggest jerk in the planet."

"Maybe girls like jerks," Wart said absentmindedly.

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Dude, no. Enough of this chick. I'll-"

"I met her at the market the other day," Wart said quickly. "I was right behind her in line. She saw me and said hi."

Lance looked disgusted. "Oh, spare me. She probably had an eye infection or something and mistook you for someone else. Thought you looked familiar but couldn't place your face without the cement block walls of Avalon High behind you."

"Her eyes were fine, alright? When she's not around Kay, she lets her guard down revealing the most beautiful human being in the world. Ah, man, those eyes see deep into my soul."

Lance closed his eyes dramatically. "I'm going to do you this favor and pretend you didn't say that." He reopened his eyes. "It's for your own good, okay, Wart? Your hyperactive imagination went way overboard and your pathological need to invent drama is taking over your life."

"I don't invent anything. And why are you sounding strangely like Vivienne?"

Lance grimaced. "Had to spend the day with her yesterday doing that English project. That girl is annoying, damn! And the way she talks about you... You'd think she can't just open her bedroom window to talk to you whenever, you know? Anyway, she also thinks you need to be more assertive, Wart."

"What does that mean? Why were you talking about me with her?"

"Look, you don't want your mom to date Brochvael? Tell her. Be firm like the man I hope you are. Your feelings matter, too, you know?"

"Okay, we're gonna come back to this whole Vivienne thing later, alright? Now about my mom... Did you hear the part where I said she's totally happy? Singing and everything. And cooking! I'm serious: my mother made me dinner for the first time in my life. I had already gotten money for take-out but there she was in the kitchen. I thought she didn't know we had a kitchen. I certainly didn't. But she found the way there all by herself."

Wart waited for Lance to answer only too late realizing he wouldn't. Lance was staring at this red-headed who was standing near the school's gate - _Anna Morgause_ , the so called love of his life. Wart rolled his eyes. Now he'd lost Lance. A while back, when she moved in, Lance had swore he wouldn't rest until he'd got her. But the whole Morgause situation was worse than the Guinevere one. Because Morgause knew exactly who Lance was... and she hated his guts.

"I gotta go," said Lance without ever removing his eyes from Morgause.

Wart watched his friend go to her. Lance said something, grinned and ran his fingers through his hair. Morgause gave him a look of pure hatred. She never spoke a word. Instead, turned her back at him and went inside the school. Lance hesitated just for a second and then, never admitting defeat, followed her.

"Wow," said someone from behind Wart. "That was pathetic. When will he accept that just isn't going to happen?"

Wart turned around to face his neighbor, Vivienne Lake. She was tall for a girl, with a triangular face, hair the color of honey and big, round eyes too big for her face. Her bedroom window faced his bedroom window. Back when they were little, they used to talk through that the whole night, but after she started hanging out with Morgause they sort of drifted apart.

"Did she tell you that? That it isn't going to happen?" he asked.

Vivienne shrugged lightly. "You must've noticed she doesn't say much. Anna has this very unique way of revealing her deepest feelings through evil looks and wicked smiles."

Wart grinned. Yeah... That was Morgause alright.

"See you inside?" Vivienne headed to the gate. Wart nodded. _What was happening?_ Vivienne didn't talk to him at school. Actually, she didn't talk to him anywhere. Not anymore. What changed?

* * *

As soon as Wart got inside the school building the bell rang and the students went rushing to their classrooms. Wart was about to do the same when Gaius caught up with him in the corridor.

"I hope this isn't weird-well, it is definitely weird-but I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, Arthur."

Wart waved his hands uncontrollably. "Oh, no, Gai-I mean, Mr Brochvael, nothing uncomfortable... between us..." Realizing how stupid he sounded, Wart pressed his lips together trying to stop the words from coming out.

"If there's anything," Gaius insisted, "that is bothering you, we can talk about it."

"Nothing to talk about. It's just a date, right?"

Gaius was very serious. "I don't know if it'll be just a date. I really do like your mother."

"Well, you better," Wart said, out of control. "You do anything to hurt her and I'm gonna kick your ass." Immediately, Wart felt his face turning purple. What the hell? Had he just threaten a teacher?

Gaius smiled in this funny way. "That is not my intention, Arthur, trust me. But if that happens, you have my complete permission to... Kick my ass."

And just like that Gaius Brochvael managed to turn a awfully awkward situation into something not so bad. Wart assumed that's what he'd done during the disciplinary hearing. He'd somehow made Igraine feel comfortable enough to agree to go out with him. Well, the guy really was cool. All was well when Wart realized he'd rather have Igraine going out with Gaius than, for instance, crazy old Pellinore.

Wart was felling a lot better when Morgana Le Fay came strutting down the school corridor, said hi to Gaius and pushed Wart out of her way saying _'fuuur-reek'_.

The Wart was thus reminded his day was just beginning.


	2. Dhà

"Man, Gaius's nostrils stick out A LOT!" Lancel whispered during class. "Why would you mom want to go out with a guy whose nostrils stick out so much? Why won't Morgause go out with me? My nostrils are perfectly fine."

"Maybe she likes somebody else," Wart suggested.

"Who? She doesn't talk to anyone but Vivienne. So unless you're suggesting they're lesbians-"

"Shhhhh!" Wart tried to shut his friend up before Vivienne, who was sitting right behind them, heard them but it was too late. She leaned over her desk and put her head between the two of them. "Give up, du Lac," she said. "Anna won't fall for your bad boy nostrils."

Lance turned to face her. "Aren't you in the wrong classroom? Shouldn't you be with the smart kids?"

"Is that supposed to offend me?"

Lance straightened up and, ignoring her, resumed his talking of nostrils. "I hadn't notice until now," he told Wart. "Weird, isn't it?"

"So your mom is going out with Gaius?" Vivienne asked poking Wart in the shoulder with her pencil.

He turned. "How do you know?"

"Du Lac just said-"

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

"No."

"No?"

"Não!" She gave him a wicked smile. "But what'll you do for me, de Grass?"

Wart hesitated. There was nothing in the world he could do for her. Vivienne had great grades, could played three different instruments and was part of all the nerdy and artsy clubs the school had.

"I can take your dog out," he offered. "Every day, if you'd like. For the rest of my life." It was a big commitment but better than having people finding out about Igraine and Gaius.

Vivienne seemed disappointed. "Forget it. I won't tell anyone." She sat back on her chair and didn't talk to them again.

"What was that?" Lance asked afterwards.

"What?"

"She was sexually harassing you. You didn't notice or what?"

"I- What? No. She wasn't. She just wanted-"

"I know perfectly well what she wanted, Wart. You're the one who seems confused."

The more Wart thought about it, more concerned he was. What if Guinevere ever sexually harassed him and he was too stupid to notice?

"Anyway, forget her," said Lance. "That girl's way too smart. You don't want to date someone who's smarter than you. Now, I really need you to tell you you've noticed Gaius's nostrils. I mean, you have to look at them from 9h00 to 10h00 and from 14h30 to 15h30 everyday except weekends, national holidays and the summer. That if for some miracle you manage to get a C plus or you'll have to go to summer school. Oh... And if your mom marries him, you'll have to live with those abnormal nostrils."

Wart let out a deep sigh. He hadn't noticed Gaius's nostrils until Lance had pointed them out. Now he could never _unsee_ it.

 _Thank you very much, Lance._

* * *

At night the Wart waited for his mom while reading T. H. White. Igraine got home very late and walked inside slowly, trying not to make a sound, obviously thinking he was already asleep. Wart got up from the couch and Igraine gasped and jumped backwards.

"Damn it, Artie," she said with a hand above her heart. "You almost killed me."

"My bad."

"Why are you awake? You have class tomorrow."

"I just wanted to make sure you'd be home alright."

Igraine raised an eyebrow. "Really? Or did you just want to make sure I'd be home?"

Wart tried not to look guilty but failed. It was impossible to lie to her.

"What kind of woman do you take me for?" she joked pretending to be offended.

"The kind that avoids telling her son about her date."

Igraine smiled. She dropped her purse and her coat on the table and sat beside him on the couch. "It was... amazing," she admitted. "We had dinner at the Ligessac and then we walked near the harbor. Just talking."

"And did you kis-" Wart stopped himself when he noticed Igraine had turned red. "Never mind."

She stared at her son. "We're going out again before the week is out," she said. "Is that okay? If you don't want me to go, just say-"

"Mom." The Wart shook his head. "I'll be fine. In fact I already am. You do what you gotta do."

"Hey, I say that!" she complained. "Are you quoting me to myself?"

"What can I do? You give the best advice."

Igrained chuckled and embraced him.

 _Yeah,_ he thought. He'd be just fine.

* * *

His cellphone rang early in the morning. Messy of hair, droopy of eyes, the Wart groped the bed until he found the device. The screen read dad. Wart answered.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm?"

"Is that how you answer the phone?" his father chastised. "Whatever happened to hello?"

"Hello. It's 7 a.m."

"Which means you should already be up, Arthur."

"Did you call to get me out of bed?"

"Of course not," his dad said in his practical way. "I'm after your mother. Where is she?"

"Sleeping?" Wart guessed. Everyone knew Igraine didn't function before lunch time.

"She said she'd call me last night. We had important business to discuss."

"Uh, dad... Look..." Wart definitely did not want to be the one to break the news to Uther. Not that he'd be jealous or anything (or at least the Wart didn't think he would) but it was certainly a conversation to be avoided. "How about you try it later?"

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the line. "I need to talk to her, Arthur. It's urgent."

That didn't happen often, his parents talking. It was indeed such a rare event that suddenly the Wart felt alert as if someone had dropped a bowl of cold water on his head. "Did something happen?"

Uther took a moment to answer. "No. Everything's fine. I just need to speak to her, that's all."

"You sound like you have terrible news."

"What about that project we started?" said Uther abruptly changing the subject. "You know, Iceland has the world's highest literacy rate because there's nothing else to do there other than reading."

That got the Wart's attention like Uther knew it would.

"Yeah. I read that once the opera went to Iceland and every show was sold out and something like 98 percent of the population attended. Everybody knew all the words to the opera and went around singing it all day for months. Sounds great, doesn't it? Much better than Avalon where people sometimes spit at you for no reason. Although in Camelot, I'm pretty sure that 80 percent of the population would, in fact, attend the opera. You know what? Next summer, instead of visiting Merlin at the chateau, we could all go to Island!"

"We'll talk about it some other time, alright?" said his dad just before hanging up.

Wart realized only much later he'd been tricked.


End file.
